Fort Worth — Shut up. Have a Moon Pie, and move on with the rest of your life.
Sage advice doled out by a drag queen in downtown Fort Worth this week as Dixie Longate brings her latest one-person show to McDavid Studio next to Bass Performance Hall.
Dixie’s Never Wear a Tube Top while Riding a Mechanical Bull (and 16 Other Things I learned while I was Drinking Last Thursday) is certainly a mouthful and apropos considering Dixie’s predilection to putting things in her mouth. Not to mention the intermittent slurring caused by the constant drinking.
This show was written by Dixie’s alter ego, Kris Andersson, and comes in heels and on the heels of Dixie’s Tupperware Party, which started in 2008 and has entertained legions of Texas housewives here for a few years.
Dixie lives in a trailer park in Mobile, Ala. She sells Tupperware because she wants to party for a living. We meet her as a hurricane rolls in while she’s cleaning up around the honkytonk her BFF Georgia Jean owns. Georgia Jean is on her honeymoon. And what a lucky hooker she is because they have good guacamole in Mexico, and “I’d beat a baby in the face for some good guacamole,” Dixie tells us.
Dixie really just wants to share some of the mental nuggets she scribbled down with Georgia Jean the other night. And, boy, there are some doozies. There’s plenty of homoerotism and a few f-bombs but, the jokes work without seeming crude or superfluous, and Dixie’s devotees eat it up.
Dixie is ever the appreciative hostess, making sure the audience feels comfortable and open to listening to her mangle some of her mother’s old adages in mixed metaphors and unintelligible syllables that don’t make any sense. The capacity crowd loved every convoluted axiom.
Lesson No. 1 is Dixie’s call for more happy hours. Because if we only have three hours a day that are happy that makes the other 17 crappy, and who wants to live through 17 crappy hours just for three hours of happy. Pretty profound advice right there.
There’s plenty of homages to the ‘70s, including a short day dream about Magnum, P.I., a recollection of a key party at a place with a macramé owl on the wall, some Captain and Tennille references and a bit about Dixie’s inability to decipher if something is Charo or a hedgehog.
Dixie also relates the tale of how she first met Georgia Jean at a drive-in. Georgia Jean was working behind the counter wearing a fancy crown because that’s what she did whenever she wanted to feel like Julie Andrews. Dixie explains how she grew to love Georgia Jean in a non-lesbian Christian way, in part, because of the pride she exhibited when she wore that crown at the grocery store.
Toward the end of the show, Dixie implores us all to wear our own crown and go out there do something that makes everybody else stand up and notice.
Of course, she also tells us not to be afraid to let your tits hang out every once in a while, too. Again with those pearls of wisdom.
» Read our interview with Dixie Longate