Dallas — “Sassy, sexy and just plain right” is how Nick Offerman summed up his show with wife Megan Mullally Thursday night at the Majestic Theatre in downtown Dallas.
The couple’s “Summer of 69: No Apostrophe” (wink wink) was a two-hour romp through 21st century marriage, with plenty of laughs strewn between more than a few touching moments in which the big-time sitcom stars displayed genuine love for each other.
The two opened with a song about the “Summer of 69” that included a lyric about how Mullally’s vagina was on fire and how Offerman’s watch would melt if he ventured near that crotch.
Although Mullally didn’t say “vagina,” as this show is rated R for adult.
Offerman’s understated delivery, which he perfected in the role of Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation, proved effective time and time again as the near-capacity crowd roared at many of his one-liners and quips.
He dubbed the show “The Greatest Aphrodisiac to Mankind,” encouraging the audience to look to your left and then to your right and realize you are going home with one of those people. This led to a couple of jokes about incest, which prompted a joke about Miley Cyrus and her dad—and we were off.
Offerman and Mullally have been married for more than a decade and they related stories of their courtship, engagement and wedding in between songs about sex, sex and…sex.
The duo started with tales of losing their virginity: Offerman to a high school senior when he was a freshman on some patio furniture cushions in the basement of an unfinished house down the street. Mullally to a guy with a very thin penis, who proceeded to treat her like crap the rest of the summer when she moved to LA as an 18-year-old to sing Fleetwood Mac songs at a restaurant called Yesterdays with a manager named Brick Houston. This was all while living in an apartment with three guys in their 20s, one of whom liked to jerk off every night as she was trying to go to sleep. The Emmy Award winner (as Karen Walker on Will and Grace) has perfect comic timing and the audience ate it up.
The pair segued into another song about a certain Messiah who showed up unannounced at their door one day, proclaiming he was there to screw. With Offerman on guitar and Mullally strumming a ukulele, the lyrics hinted at someone whose mercy is infinite and whose beard is the tits having a love of reach-arounds. The heathens in the audience howled in delight. This former altar boy laughed right along with them.
They then spoke of how they met, and how Offerman didn’t make Mullally’s list at first, but she found his love of comedy bits endearing until one day she asked herself, “Wait, is he sexy? What’s happening?” After she finally replied to a message he’d left on her fax—yes, fax—machine, they started dating, or at least began sucking face on the side of various thoroughfares. They started seeing coyotes whenever these trysts occurred, and after one act of cunnilingus in a park, Offerman came up for air to notice “the grandfather of all these coyotes” no less than seven feet from Mullally’s head. Offerman said the coyote fixed his gaze upon his eyes and nodded slowly in approval. It was then when Offerman knew his relationship with Mullally had “The Blessing of the Beast.”
The couple then relayed some of their favorite sex positions, including the 69, of course, as well as the 6911 when it’s an emergency and the 69/11, which is when the mood is a bit more somber although there’s a lot of fireman standing around and it gets a little messy when they start to hose down Ground Zero. They also rattled off a number of television-inspired positions including CSI: Vagina, Cake Boss and The Cosby Show, in which Mullally doesn’t really do much except lie there. Movie titles also provide good sex positions, including There Will Be Blood, An Inconvenient Truth and The Hurt Locker. Still other positions were inspired by musical acts like the “Simon and Garfuckal,” the “Sean Puffy Combs” and the “Oak Ridge Boys,” which the comedians admitted doesn’t make any sense and that’s why they love it.
After a song about how they’ve done it everywhere to the tune of “I’ve Been Everywhere,” Mullally explained how she thought it hilarious when Offerman used fake rings from the set of Will and Grace to bumble through multiple bits centered around proposing to her while they were on vacation in Paris. She loved it. And she loves him—and it shows.
Near the end of the show, Offerman explained that while they spoke freely and intimately about sex and their relationship because the audience “came to see smut,” he expects to still be married to Mullally when they’re in their 90s “because they love the crap out of each other.”
They did mention how the media tends to portray them as couple without baggage. (And this review kinda implies as much.) But they argue over petty stuff just like the rest of us and have some longstanding arguments. It’s just that they’re talented and funny enough to take it on the road and pack theaters. They love making each other laugh and love making us laugh, too.
The finale had them cavorting around stage to Carly Simon’s “Nobody Does It Better,” and it’s clear these two believe that.
» Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally's Summer of 69: No Apostrophe tour continues through May 7. They perform Friday, April 17, at Austin's Paramount Theatre and Saturday, April 18, at Houston's Bayou Music Center. You can see the complete tour stops here.