Armin Zaphiratous

Sick of Excuses

Should Armin be telling you actors how to do your jobs? Yes, he should.

published Friday, July 8, 2011

Dear Armin,

I was sick recently and missed a performance. Everyone treated me like a loser when I got back. I was SICK and I could have gotten them SICK if I'd come. They're in the wrong here, RIGHT?! Thanks!

Dear Sickly,

WRONG! You have to do the show if you're conscious. Even then I'd suggest waking the hell up. Everyone has a story about how they had their head cut off in a tragic helicopter accident right before curtain and they still gave the performance of their life. When I was in Pippin I had a really nasty stomach bug but didn't even think of skipping a performance. Of course, the entire cast caught it. We all wore adult diapers under our costumes, just in case, but the show went on! It was an intimate space so we passed the bug to every audience that weekend and they went out in the world and passed it to the rest of New York. So, yes, I caused the Great Diarrhea Debacle of 1978. I got the nickname "Diarrhea Mary" (like Typhoid Mary) but I think that was mostly in good fun. You don't have a story like that, do you? Jealous? — YOURS, ARMIN

Dear Armin,

Will theater ever have its own reality show other? Chefs, interior designers, hair stylists, models, singers, dancers and people with random talent all get to show their stuff. Can you capture theatre stardom on the small screen? — Dreamin'

Dear Dreamin',

Well, there was one called Grease: You're The One That I Want and it ensured that there will never, ever, in a million-billion years be another theater-based reality show. — YOURS, ARMIN

Ask Armin something, via Go on and ask. When he doesn't have enough queries to ponder, he bothers the hell out of the TheaterJones editor. Also, TJ doesn't stand by or even agree with all of Armin's advice. So don't hold us responsible if things go terribly wrong.

Also, Armin is now on Facebook. Friend him. And, again, don't blame us. Thanks For Reading

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Sick of Excuses
Should Armin be telling you actors how to do your jobs? Yes, he should.
by Armin Zaphiratous

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