Armin Zaphiratous

The Naked Truth

Armin has some thoughts about memory, facial hair and movie stars on stage.

published Friday, April 22, 2011

Dear Armin,

I'm taking an acting class where we're using emotional recall as a tool. The other day in class I was using the painful memory of my step father spanking me in the grocery store in front of everyone when I was 13. The instructor wanted me to share the memory with everyone. I refused several times but he kept pressing me until I finally broke down in tears and ran from the room. He dismissed class and came out to find me. He apologized and then tried to kiss me. Is something weird going on?

Thanks, Bewildered


Dear Bewildered,

Yes. There is something weird going on. If the guy has a mustache you need to run far and fast. If he has a goatee you can just drop the class and that should be that. If he's clean shaven then I can't help you read his intentions. — YOURS, ARMIN


Dear Armin,

What do you think of movie stars like Harry Potter, er...Daniel Radcliffe making the jump to Broadway? Do you think it's the only way for Broadway to stay relevant?

Thanks, Bitter On Broadway


Dear Bitter,

If a naked Harry Potter improves sales to the coveted "Creepy Male Single Ticket Buyer" demographic, then I say more power to them. In fact, there are a lot of movie stars I'd like to see naked in person so I, as a creep, hope the trend continues. I do believe hiring celebrities is the only way to make Broadway seem "special" to the great unwashed theater masses. A play starring an awkwardly cast and pancake-boobed Julia Roberts can run for as long as she wants it to while that same play starring an unknown, but spectacular theater actress wouldn't make it out of Cleveland no matter how naked she got. I mean, she could get really, really naked. Like totally nude. This sucks for those of us who aren't famous and totally willing to get bare-ass naked in front of a crowd of strangers. Sad but true. — YOURS, ARMIN


Ask Armin something, via Go on and ask. When he doesn't have enough queries to ponder, he bothers the heck out of the TheaterJones editor. Also, TJ doesn't stand by or even agree with all of Armin's advice. So don't hold us responsible if things go terribly wrong. Thanks For Reading

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The Naked Truth
Armin has some thoughts about memory, facial hair and movie stars on stage.
by Armin Zaphiratous

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