Dear Sad Prod: I think they're home watching reruns of Murder She Wrote. They used to go to the theater but since they broke their hip at the grocery store they're afraid of crowds. There are also several youths hanging out on their street smoking cigarettes and they need to stay home and watch those hoodlums through binoculars because they heard gangs of kids are breaking into people's houses and stealing so they can get money for the dope. Theater is changing, audience first, but I think the artists and producers will catch up eventually. Plays about superheroes will help.—YOURS, ARMIN
Dear Armin: I'm a theater super fan! I'm star struck by several local actors. Should I wait in the lobby and tell them how much I enjoyed they're work even though they don't know me? Will they be weirded out?
Dear Super Fan: Please, please, please stay after and tell your favorite actors you love their work! As far as pay goes, theater artists rank just below teachers and just above crazy hobos. So, they're not doing it for the money. They're doing it to please you. Believe me, as long as you don't ask for a vial of their blood they will be flattered and think about it for weeks. You know what? Go ahead and ask for a vial of their blood. They'll love it!—YOURS, ARMIN
Armin, What's theater like in Armenia? Yours, Curious
Curious: Once, while visiting my grandparents in Armenia I took in a show called "Կրել բռնաբարումմիջանցքայինսպասավոր" which loosely translates to "A Bear Violating a Bellhop," and it was exactly that. I'm glad I was raised in Nebraska.—YOURS, ARMIN
We invite you to Ask Armin via email at AskArmin@TheaterJones.com. Go on and ask. When he doesn't have enough queries to ponder, he bothers the hell out of the TheaterJones editors. Also, we don't stand by or even agree with all of Armin's advice. So don't hold us responsible if things go terribly wrong.